Sunday, April 12, 2009


Been feeling pretty good health wise lately, it's only been a month since I cut out fast food, soda, snacks and such... but I can totally tell the difference and I've managed to drop a few pounds in the process. It's weird to have to put a regiment on yourself but as I move on thru life I would like to do it with as few issues as possible, mental and health wise... I know that if I can just keep on the same path that I'm on, everything will work out just fine... and not to sound like a bitch and all that, but if put your mind and body through as much torture as I have, you too would be looking for some solace.

Now every once and awhile I get in this weird anxious / borderline depressive mood where it just doesn't seem like the
pieces fit... what I mean is I spread myself really thin and try to be good at, or do too much and it all just seems to jumble up
and not work out... I've spent the past 3 years and some change trying to rectify that problem... and it's been working in my favor so far...

Now going from spending mad amounts of time making music, partying, getting into wild ass shit all over the east and west coast to buckling down, trying to have an " adult " relationship, be productive and reliable has kind of been a double edge sword for me. Now if you knew the " old " me well... lets just say you would've had a ball getting into the wildest of shit with me, but... I wouldn't have trusted me as far as you could throw me... Which brings me to now, to the " new " me, more reserved, hopefully more dependable, and less of the " asshole " I've been dubbed in the past... and all in all I like the strides I've made to get to this point... but sometimes I feel like it has also made me more of a pussy, if that even matters but if you grew up with the cats that I did, you know that a trait like that is a death sentence... So trying to find a middle ground has been my mission. Maturity is knowing when to be mature, situations vary and call for different levels in different cases...

I don't want to drag on about my problems and solutions, but as I get older and look back on things that I've accomplished and fucked up, there are many things I would change and many things I wouldn't... I wouldn't change my friends and I wouldn't change my outlook... I hope to grow up one day, but for now I think I'll keep walking the path that keeps me happy... fin.